broken

As I poured over my 2nd week's status updates trying to figure out what to title this post, I came up with one word. Broken. Broken by the culture. Broken by how much a short term mission trip shelters you from the REALITY here. Broken by things I wasn't prepared for. Broken by the faces of the children who didn't even know what was going on as I took their profile pictures. Broken by the stories George would tell me that the kids told him as he profiled them. Broken by wanting to serve but having everyone rush to serve me. One word: broken.


Dec 6th – George: We have to be at the school to profile more kids at 10. Me: How do the parents know what time it is? George: They look at the sun or either the shadows on the ground. Me: Oh, naw. I'm late for everything even though I have a watch. I'd never make it looking at the sun or shadows.

Ever wondered what Jesus' feet look like?

Dec 6th – is thankful to finally be living an uncomfortable life. There is something about this country that draws you in. And it holds you there. Today is the first day I didn't break down. But George did. And he grew up here. That speaks volumes for the work God is doing through us. Volumes. When I visited it was different. I was shielded from the things I saw today. I'm here. It's real. And it hurts.

Be. Still. My. Heart.

Dec 6th – is broken over the absence of affection that is shown to others in this village. You would NEVER know two people were married. Kids aren't shown affection. I've disrespected people twice and today was only my 3rd full day. Good thing I get a free pass with the whole kneeling to men because oh, geez, I'd be in big trouble. When the women kneel to George and he tells them not to do that, it offends THEM. Sigh...

Dec 6th – asks that you pray for the 2 kids George is taking to the clinic now. They have been sick all day with Malaria. Ages 1 & 4. They are the kids of one of the teachers here. I love his heart. It's 9pm here and he's had a really tough day, yet he keeps going because they depend on him.

** They just returned. Each child had a really high fever and got shots. We have to take them back tomorrow morning. Another example of unexpected emergencies as well as unexpected costs that we incur on a daily basis. Even more reason why I need you guys to help spread the word about the jewelry I have for sale!

I've been daydreaming about this g-nut sauce for 4 months now!!!

Dec 6th – I got a message on my wall from my sweet friend-I've-never-met, Grace Hartmann. She's spent a lot of time in Uganda but has yet to spend a night in a village. I'm hoping that happens next times she visits. So she asked how Uganda was going so far. Here's my response:

*** Somewhat rough adjusting because of the things I didn't get to see of the culture last time. It's like I was guarded from it because I was a visitor. Now that they know I live here, it's on. And the kids? Man, that whole part of the culture is disheartening. They aren't allowed to think for themselves. It's going to take some time before they understand that they have sponsors. They have NO CLUE about any world outside this village and I had these crazy dreams of them being excited when I came to take their pictures - knowing they were being matched with a family that chose to help them specifically. They're clueless. Breaks my heart. I am resting in George's ability to show me how to slowly teach them and the parents about the program. Oh man. Another convo with George that left me sobbing. Village life is just so different than other settings. Kids aren't shown affection like they are in surrounding orphanages/homes. You're looked down upon if you give them anything that might spoil them. So all my gifts are at the house and I'm having to figure out how to introduce those. Further proof that short term trips are more harmful than helpful (in most cases). Not mine, of course, because it brought me here indefinitely. But you know what I mean. Oh, and I kinda patted George's back as he did the interview and I offended some of the women. Ugh. Village life is different than having your own home where you can keep some of your own culture, if that makes any sense. I sat down and crossed my legs at an introduction yesterday, too. Forgot that it's offensive. Just trying to laugh my way through this learning curve :) CAN. NOT. WAIT. TILL. YOU. GET. HERE.

Dec 7^th – spent the day in downtown Kampala. Oh, man! I sooo wish I would have been able to take pics of the stuff I saw there but it's getting close to elections and people are looking for an excuse to riot. George locked the keys in the truck and I stood there watching a lady rip the legs off of grasshoppers so she could cook them as the guy tried to unlock the door with a close hanger. We finally found a car thief to show us how to break into the truck. Arrived back in the village to find a gazillion parents/kids waiting to be profiled. Resizing the pics and uploading them now. George has the profile info and he went to Bombo. I'm hoping we get a day off soon where I can get every picture updated. One of the little girls about finished me off. God bless the one who chooses to sponsor her. I prayed very hard to hold the tears back. When George returns, we're going to finally watch a movie. Finally. We need a break. Really.


Dec 7th – Dear God, PLEASE help my heart understand that it is their culture to kneel when they serve me. PLEASE keep the look of shock off my face and I try to gesture that they don't HAVE to do it. PLEASE keep the tears from my eyes as I watch them hand wash every stitch of clothes I wore this week. PLEASE help me from feeling like a big jerk as I watch her on her knees RIGHT NOW ironing my shirts. PLEASE help me. I am seriously about to lose it. You know that feeling right before you break down. The burning in the back of your throat. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm staring at the ceiling but it's not helping. OK, she's done now. God bless her.

Dec 8th – is reviewing the info of the kids we took in yesterday. These are all kids that have never been to school. Some 9 years old. That rips my heart out. My eyes make it past their age to find that they are living with a grandparent. They've lost both parents. They've lost hope. But God gave us Jesus. He is the Hope of this world. I am here to show them Him.

Coming from a culture where kids argue with their parents about cleaning their room, it's hard to see kids working this hard. I'll get used to it. I will.

Dec 8th – is praising God for the friends He gives me. George went to Kampala today and I stayed behind to work on the profile info of the kids AND because I didn't want the guy he's picking to ride in the truck bed. And what do you know? The network is severely unstable today. But I'm praising God for the sweet couple that bought this computer for me. Every time I open it, I thank Him. Every time I turn on my camera, I thank another best friend. Every time I look into the eyes of these children, I thank God for EACH OF YOU who have prayed me here, sponsored one of them or sent a donation for this village.


Dec 8th – Remember the girl who washed my clothes yesterday and was on her knees ironing them for me last night? Today I found out that she is a widow. I was updating the profile info when I got to a pic I recognized. It was her daughter! I called the Mom in and showed her the pics of the sponsors of her two girls. I have NO WORDS for the sounds of joy that came as she saw them!

Joviah & Irene before their new dresses...

Joviah & Irene in their new dresses :)

Dec 8th – went outside to find Eugene, Joviah, Irene, and Mathias, the little boy I sponsored in July, sitting in the front yard eating mangos. Mathias has had the same shirt and pair of shorts on for 4 days now. Do you think they've been washed? They haven't. Does it look like he's had a bath? It doesn't. My heart breaks for these kids.

Dec 8th – (my comment on a convo about a borehole): It's a lot of money and I got really discouraged about that last time. But it's different now. I live here and we don't have clean water to drink. I have money so I can buy it. No one else here does. A borehole is drilled down to the clean, fresh water. Its supply is not dependent on the weather. It is neverending. Where there is a REAL need, He will provide. These children are His heart. NO DOUBT in my mind we will raise the money, we're just having to go one project at a time. Every day is overwhelming in its own right. We'll get there. I believe that.

Looking into the eyes of Jesus...

Dec 8th – broke down trying to discuss yesterday with George, went into my room where we both lost it, got ourselves together and went to the school where more children were waiting to be profiled. George reached to touch the very first child and he was burning up with a fever. George gave him his leftover Malaria tabs and another life was potentially saved. Rough day. Clinging to His promises.

George counting Malaria tabs.

Dec 8th – might not be able to understand Luganda but I saw something on George's face today that met no language barrier. It was pain. It was raw. It hurt me and I didn't know why. I found out later that the boy was telling him that he had no parents and was explaining how he lost them. God bless George. He hears the pain but all I do, for now, is see it in their eyes.

Me: I should give him a new toy. George: He would keep it and continue playing with what he has. Me: Why? George: If you received your very first toy you ever had in your whole life, you wouldn't want to use it either.

Dec 9th – didn't get a shower yesterday because it was pouring rain at my normal shower time. I like to shower at night so I don't have to use a curtain. I'm such a pro now that I don't even need George standing out there with me. The bats flying overhead don't bother me anymore. It's just me, them, the stars, a washcloth, warm water in a bucket and Jesus. Oh, and the Dove body wash.

Looks like they've been watching me bathe!

Dec 9th – just took a shower and washed my hair in water that most people would refuse to wash with. And I'm not complaining. I'm thankful that it rained last night and that we had water in our collection tank. It was not run through some fancy schmancy filtering system. It came from our roof :) Praising Him for the life He chose for me. Because there's no way I would've signed up for this! ‎

Dec 9th – "We have to get you an African toothbrush. This mzungu one is not working. You do everything like we do except for that." - George Magera

Dec 9th – There's a rooster here that crows at 3 minutes before the hour. Every hour. Without fail. He's off by 3 minutes? What's up with that? It's 3:35pm and another one is sounding off. George said that he must have eaten something bad. Ba. Baha. Bahahahahaha!

I'm STILL not used to the "new" Maria. Check out those yummy rolls :)

If you donated to have the floors and walls finished in the church/school, check it out now!!!

Dec 9th – just had a father show up at the house with his daughter to be profiled. Today was a day of rest. We were hiding inside. We just needed a day. But I fell in love. I called her inside and she sat in my lap while George profiled her. I gave her a new dress and another outfit. I asked George why her stomach is swollen. She probably has worms. My heart is broken again. We need YOUR help. Please.

Here she is in her new dress. Notice the smile. That is what HOPE looks like. She knows someone cares. Right now that is the mzungu in the village. Soon that Someone will be Him. I will tell her. I promise.

Someone asked George how soon he could start on the borehole. Here’s my response: We need to be careful when discussing projects with George. He will make one phone call and MINUTES later they will be drilling a well. Believe me. You don't know this guy. He moves fast. And you never know what hits you until you walk up on a project that you were just "discussing" the day before :)

Dec 9th – George just told me about a fight that happened today. Our neighbor got saved 2 weeks ago and her family came from Kampala to kill her because of it. His Mom was next door fighting for the girl's life while we were in the house here. God bless her. He also told me about our neighbors across the road that practice Witchcraft. They put things up at the church and one man that came to church a few weeks ago was forced by spirits to go home and boil hot water & pour it on himself. He died a week later. Spiritual warfare is real. Please pray.

Dec 9th – was purchased for a price. And you were, too. I encourage you to spread His love today. To everyone you see. Everyone you talk to. Everyone you touch. Everyone. There's no one that you don't like enough not to share the Gospel with. No one you don't like enough not to want to see in Heaven. Do something. Anything.

I drove up to the school yesterday and ALL the women were in shock that I could drive. George's nephew Eugene says I drive better than Uncle because he has to ride in the truck bed and I drive slow enough where dirt doesn't get in his mouth.

Remember the brand new soccer balls we brought in July? Yeah :)
Tried to give them a new one. George says they will "use that one up"
before using the new one. We have A LOT to learn from these people.
A LOT. God bless this village. Bless them.

‎”Christie is holding a kid of the lady that is helping us at the house. She saw it and said that the kid is going to be spoiled. She has no time to love on them because there are so many problems around her. The sister is just here very amazed. Expression of love is not something people here know to do. It is sad that people cannot love freely and openly.” – George Magera

Dec 10th – must have "picked a nail" in the village because we had a flat tire before we got to the main road. Guess who left his tire iron in Mukono? I told him that I was tellin' Momma on him ;) Praise God for people in the village that had a tire iron even though they don't own a vehicle! The back two tires are slick and I noticed that the night he picked me from the airport. MUST. GET. NEW. TIRES.


Dec 10th – really NEEDS new tires on the truck. This is not a WANT. However, we also NEED to get the children de-wormed & get clean drinking water into the village. We can have a borehole set up so that water is distributed to the rain collection tanks that we put there in July. There is no rain. I am asking that ANY of you that feel God tugging at your hearts to help with ANY/ALL of these projects, to step forward.

Kids watching Master Georgie change our tire :)

All this guy wanted was a picture with this cow. It was tied to a rock. As the guy got close to him, it took off dragging the rock all over the place. Good thing I have an awesome zoom lens :)

Dec 10th – just drove an hour to Garden City to switch internet providers. George thinks that it might be a good idea for me to go ahead & pull my hair out because he won't have to help me wash it. I am praying for sanity. It's very frustrating. Pray this new service works!!! As I type this, we're sitting in traffic and there's a guy at my window trying to sell me something. If he can read, he's reading this. Bahahaha!

Dec 10th – EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Someone just donated $500 to get the kids de-wormed! Praise God with me, people! He's on the move. Don't miss this...

Dec 10th – has someone that will match $300 in donations to get us new tires. Again, this is a NEED, not a WANT. We had a flat just this morning. If you donate via Paypal & send the money to compassinmyheart@yahoo.com and click on the Personal tab and then click on "Payment owed", Paypal won't keep the fees. PLEASE HELP. We need about $600 for 4 new tires. We have half!!!

LOVE this :)

Dec 11th – is disappointed that the new internet service provider won't let us connect at all. We got into the village last night, shortly after posting that last video and found the power off. I gave George's son Messach and his nephew Eugene their first Snickers bar. George went to lie down and I watched Messach & Eugene play "Go Feesh" by the light of a kerosene lamp. LOVE MY LIFE :)

Dec 11th – is thankful that He reminds me that although I feel very dim some days, I shine like a city on a hilltop.


Dec 11th – just had a mother show up at the door with a little boy with a high fever. I did not know where George kept the tabs so she went home while we looked for them. I found the Infants' Pain Relief drops that I brought last time so we walked to her home and gave him some. He didn't want to have anything to do with me. Bless his heart.

Family looking on as the child took medicine.

Dec 11th – is cringing as George is having a jigger dug out of his foot. Does anyone want to donate so we can have the village sprayed?

**response to someone asking how much it costs: We'll check tomorrow. My head is spinning. So much need. I know this much . . . God didn't put that jigger there for no reason. I try to address things as I see them. Just like the girl that sat in my lap with a swollen stomach. Normally would've worn a 3T, yet it was too tight around her belly. She left here in a 5T and it was hanging off of her except the shoulders. I watch two more kids being bathed outside the window here with swollen bellies. Heartbreaking. Makes me furious that these kids live like this. Breaks my heart that a couple years ago I made $72k, drove an Audi A6, lived in a $250,000 townhouse and was proud of all the STUFF I owned. I could have been making a difference in the world. But I didn't know anything outside the American Dream. Breaks. My. Heart. Period.

Just another day in the village...

Dec 11th – is eating watermelon, mango & pineapple by the light of a kerosene lamp and this computer screen. I hear George talking to me but I can't see him. He says my skin "gleetahs" in the dark. Usually his teeth glow. But not tonight. Joviah & Irene are sitting at my feet singing some song in Luganda. God is good to me :)

Dec 12th – should be blogging but my stomach is giving me some pain. George went to get his daughter. He promised me he would study while I watch her today. He misses her so much. I think I should go lie down before she gets here. She's gonna give me a run for my money. And I'm broke.

Dec 12th – George is teaching me Luganda in front of his family. You can hear them laughing all over the village! There's no telling what I'm saying ;)

George is getting GOOD at washing my hair!
I'm glad that Eugene is good with the camera because I was afraid I wouldn't ever have any pictures with me in them :)